Israel Is The Size Of Wales

Yep, that's what they tell me. You can drive from one side to the other in about 1 1/2 hours- here are some more interesting facts;

1. The Police drive with their flashing blue lights on all the time- which is worrying when the come up behind you but get suspicious if you move out of the way or pull over.

2. Here they think Jesus was born in Nazareth and not Bethelhem- which is why he was called Jesus Of Nazareth (though I'm not sure if it was hyphenated or 'Of' was his middle name). Having been told the truth by the C Of E which is a greater authority on such things I spread the word and my missionary work is done.

3. It's always a full moon in Israel.

4. Many cities have trees lining the streets which are home to vast colonies of bats which will try to shit on you when you are walking back from the pub. However, making a high pitch screeching noise will put off their sonar just enough to cause them to miss.

5.The Hebrew for 'yes' is 'ken'. This would have caused Ken Dodd for instance some trouble- "what is your name?" reply "Ken", "Yes, but what is your name?", reply "Ken". The Hebrew for 'no' is 'lo', so any Ken Lowes reading this- stay at home.

6.Road deaths on Israeli roads increase by 46% every year. The road kill is awesome. I saw too many dogs to count, goats and sheep, Ibex and other wild dear- top honours go to two donkeys at different times and places. Given that camels are tied to the roadside in Bedouin areas I was surprised not to spot one of them too.

So, Israel isn't that much like Wales really - or is it?